I think therefore i am8/4/2023 Maybe because for a long time, I felt like I couldn’t change who I was because I was surrounded by others there to keep me in the confined image of who they thought I was - never of who I wanted to be, could be, or would become. I often ask myself why I feel the need to filter myself so greatly. Maybe because this is my first time not having my family to fall back on to go for emotional intimacy and strength, it seems that the relationships you make in college need to be meaningful. But the idea that my revolving-door versions would finally close was quickly overwhelmed with the sheer amount of people I’d meet on campus. I felt relief knowing that moving to college would give me the opportunity to truly become the version of myself I envisioned. While it was strenuous, it sometimes felt like playing a part in a play it wasn’t miserable, but more so a challenge of trying to stay in character. This process left me feeling a little like I could never be my complete and genuine self at times. So, I stuck with the constant adjusting version of myself.ĭepending on the people who were immediately around me, I would pick and choose the parts of myself that would be the most digestible for them. Why try and change their minds when I knew it was impossible? It wasn’t all doom and gloom, but I understood that the person I was in high school was not going to be a copy-and-paste of myself in college. With a suffocating 30 students in my class year throughout high school, I had no choice but to stick to their semiaccurate understanding of me. ![]() Who I was at the time was confined to what my peers had already attributed to me, and there was little to no changing their minds. When those in my old secondary school thought they had figured me out, there was no way I could subvert the caricature of the person they thought I was. “I think, therefore I am,” my professor said as they lectured the class on René Descartes’ philosophy on seeming autonomy.
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